In case you do not know, Paul Jackson Pollock was a talentless hack who liked to get drunk and splatter random shit around like a fucking toddler. While most of us would have gotten in trouble as children for slinging paint around, and even pouring it straight out of the fucking can, this primitive behavior made this man a celebrity and legend in the art community. This technique, known as “Action Painting”, is considered one of the United States’ major contributions to the wonderful world of art.
Let’s take a look at his work, shall we?
HOLY SHIT IT’S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!
And here is the “artist”, hard at work:
Pollock would admittedly create most of his paintings while he was completely shitfaced, which isn’t surprising when you consider the quality of his work.
To say that Pollock’s paintings were “shit” would be an understatement.
To further my point, let’s make the following comparison…
Pollock vs. Shit:
At least the person in Image 2 aimed for the toilet. Well, sort of…
In the first image, we see a poor selection of colors haphazardly splashed around a canvas, completely void of any expression, and virtually no effort whatsoever.
In the second image, we see the fruits of ones bowels splashed about a cramped bathroom stall, conceived with an equal lack of skill or talent, yet a seemingly more expressive display of determination and effort. Surely a more suitable entry for a modern art museum than anything Pollock ever created.
The main difference between the two is that the shit on the right isn’t being sold for $15 Million US dollars.
Who the fuck would pay that much money for something so worthless? I mean… Pollock’s paintings are so bad, you would think even a child could do better… And you would also be correct.
Pollock vs. Children:
In the first image, we see Jackson Pollock’s “Lavendar Mist”, 1950, one of Pollock’s most notable works, and hung at the National Gallery of Art in Washington D.C.
As with most of Pollock’s works, it is completely lacking in atmosphere, and evokes no emotions other than disgust.
In the second image, we see the work of an eight year old child who is dying from cancer. In this piece, we see a vibrant palette of colors applied gracefully to a humble sheet of paper, with a rhythmic sequence of blue clouds dancing along the top of the canvas.
Okay, perhaps I’m looking a little too far into it… But it’s not bad for a child in critical condition.
And I don’t know about you, but I sure as fuck would rather see Image 2 hung on my fridge than to be anywhere near that abhorrent piece of shit in Image 1.
It’s also better than anything Pollock created at that age, let alone his entire career as an artist.
Hey… STOP THAT! Also, television sets were not commercially available in 1916! WTF?
Jackson Pollock’s later life and death:
When Pollock wasn’t busy beating his wife, giving other women venereal diseases, or gracing the world with his “artwork”, you could generally find him on the highway with a bottle of whiskey. Jackson Pollock loved two things in this world: Drinking, and driving… Fast. As you might imagine, this behavior eventually resulted in a massive crash, and the world it seemed was finally rid of this man and his artistic abominations. But Jackson Pollock wasn’t satisfied with simply destroying the art world as we know it throughout his career, and then finally ridding the world of himself… Oh no… He had to take the innocent lives of others down with him. During one of his late-night drinking binges, Pollock thought it would be fun to dart down the fucking highway as fast as he fucking could, consequently getting in a wreck, killing himself, and taking an entire family down with him.
VROOM VROOM! NOTHING CAN HURT ME! 
A scene about as beautiful as his artwork.
When you read about this kind of thing, local newspapers tend to demonize the offending drunk drivers, making an example of them in hopes that future idiots will stay the fuck off the road the next time they decide to get drunk off their tits. Yet this talentless piece of shit continually receives praise for his work, and even has a big stone monument in his honor, as well as a comprehensive memorial exhibition at the Museum of Modern Art in New York City. The family he murdered, however, did not receive a fancy burial, and their names are unknown. Despite all of this, few acknowledge what a terrible person he was, and he is still hailed and defended by many pretentious art “experts”, who make ignorant claims such as “Not just anyone can create a ‘Pollock’.”
Perhaps they’re right about that.
As you can see in the following image, aspiring “artists” leave empty bottles of liquor in honor of Pollock…
Because the world misses him so very, very fucking much…
Even his tombstone looks like a turd.
In conclusion to this wonderful blog entry, I would like to give a big FUCK YOU to all of Pollock’s fans, the cancerous fine “art” community for their continual degradation of the meaning of art, to the entire “Abstract Expressionism” movement for being anything but expressive, and finally, Paul Jackson Pollock himself.
He may be gone, but his diarrhea still stains major art museums, and you’ve more than likely been forced to learn about him in art class.
Just be thankful you didn’t write an entire blog entry about him.
Paramultart's Blog 
August 13, 2011 at 5:53 am |
Frances Stoner Saunders wrote a book entitled THE CULTURAL COLD WAR: The CIA and the World of Arts and Letters. (the New Press) (British title: Who Paid the Piper?) Saunders points out that the Central Intelligence Agency organized and assured the success of the American abstract expressionist movement, using artists like Jackson Pollock, Willem de Kooning, Mark Rothko, etc., as weapons in the struggle against the Soviet Union.
November 29, 2012 at 12:35 pm |
Hi, I was just watching the film titled ‘Pollock’ & was thinking to myself, how & why did jackson pollock become so big, it didn’t make sense to me, his work was art, but it was painted in a way that any other person could do it, in a sense, he was simply producing one after another, after another, like a machine, lots of quantity, with little quality. I’m sure there are a few of his paintings which are of some talent, but overall I just don’t see it. So that got me curious, about how & why he propelled to the top & I thought about the united states being the center of western civilisation at that time after WW2 & being at odds with the USSR. Pollock was influenced & I think appropriated quite heavily from the Russian artists such as Kandinsky & other bauhaus painters. He was getting nowhere until he just started splashing paint onto the canvas, with little to no thought whatsoever. So, your theory makes sense that he was proped up like a pawn in the bigger game being played between usa & ussr.
September 5, 2011 at 12:11 pm |
You are so right. I don’t know why any of this idiot’s, uh, “works” were considered appealing or artistic. It’s just paint thrown onto a canvas, without thought. He even admitted that he doesn’t try controlling it. This just goes to show how stupid people are. At one point, there was one–just one–idiot who believed this crap to be “art”, and someone else was afraid to disagree. So it was promoted as such and the idiots fell in line.
January 18, 2013 at 12:15 pm |
This is the best thing I have read in a very long time. The fact that Pollocks work is so sought after and celebrated in the modern art community, is one of the main contributing factors why I have lost faith in the human race. Glad to see there are still intelligent people like yourself bumping shoulders with the plebs out there.